The Promise of the Next Life

Wife, are you okay? I miss you so much. I don’t know how long a lifetime is. All I know is that every second without you by my side is a time of torment for me. I can’t even remember how many times I’ve shed tears or how many times I’ve called out your name in my heart. But I really do miss you so much. I’m looking forward to the end of this life and the arrival of the next one.
My dear wife, without you by my side, I don’t even know what it feels like to smile. Can I still have that smile filled with happiness? I’m so afraid of seeing your photos, especially the one where I’m holding you. But I can’t help opening the photo album to look, and I end up staring at it for a long time. When I come to my senses, my eyes are always moist. Every time I close my eyes, I always expect you to appear before my eyes when I open them, and then poutingly call me “husband”. Hehe! I know that’s impossible. I’m so afraid. I’ve been afraid every single day. Every day is a torture for me. These two days, I’ve been having nightmares, and in the dreams, you’re always leaving me. Do you know? Even in the dreams, it’s so real.
Idiot, you said that you always thought I was depressed before, and you really wanted to get close to me. You know that after you got close to me, my world really changed completely. From then on, whenever you were by my side, I always smiled happily. You said that I smiled so foolishly, and when I wasn’t smiling, I was very cold. How I wished to keep being silly with you like this forever. I don’t like spicy food, I don’t like vinegar, and I don’t like cilantro, but you especially do. Every time you took me out, I insisted on going with you to eat something, and we always went to places with spicy, cilantro, and vinegar flavors. Watching you eat made me extremely happy. Every time you were so spicy that you couldn’t even stand it yourself, I really wanted to laugh. Then you forced me to eat too. I had to grit my teeth and go along with you to eat. At that moment, for a split second, I felt that this was enough, and I was already very satisfied.
We went to the park. You lay on the grass with your eyes closed, basking in the sun. You insisted that I lie down too, but I just wouldn’t do it. You know, when you closed your eyes, I was actually always watching you! At that time, I was thinking that if I could be by your side for the rest of my life, I would do anything. Later, a fortune-teller came. I even lied to that fortune-teller, saying that we were a couple from the beginning. The fortune-teller said that we were really a perfect match. After I heard that, I was so happy. You were also there, smiling stupidly. I knew you must be extremely happy inside. Hehe!
When I was having a meeting in Suzhou, I was always absent-minded. My mind was always on you. I kept turning my head to look at you. If I turned my head and couldn’t see you, I would really feel panicked. I remember that when I was in Suzhou, I got a little annoyed with you. Do you know why? Actually, it was because I saw you chatting with other men. Because I didn’t know you were familiar with them in advance, I wondered why you were chatting so enthusiastically with strangers. I was a little jealous. Hehe! Actually, I can get jealous too. That night, our training session ended very late. When we returned to the hotel, it was already very late. You could have gone back first, but you stayed with me. It was such a cold day, hungry, tired and cold. Before that, I was really touched. I really wanted to come and hug you to warm you up, but I couldn’t do that because there were so many people beforehand. Seeing you trembling in the cold made me feel really bad. When I asked if you were cold, you pretended to be strong and said it was okay. You are really a complete idiot. After returning to the hotel, I always complained about being hungry and asked you to accompany me to go out for food. But you always asked how many people there were, and then I always said that many people had said this or that. You lost your interest and said you wanted to sleep. Later, I realized that you wanted to go out alone with me. I was really stupid beforehand. Every time we ate, you always took up a good position for me. No one was allowed to sit there. I was so happy. Although it was very tiring after a few days, I really never felt this happy before.
Just a few days after returning from Suzhou, you still couldn’t maintain the ambiguous relationship between us. Eventually, you still confessed your feelings to me. Maybe if you hadn’t confessed to me, we would still be getting along well and having a good time together. But when you held me in your arms, I really couldn’t refuse you. Perhaps I’ve been waiting for this outcome for a long time.
After that, our love was extremely difficult. Facing the setbacks of reality, facing the rumors and gossip, in the end you still gave in. But how could I just give up on you like that? I knew that if I gave up, there would be no future with you. Even the previous ambiguous feelings would disappear. I really couldn’t do that. I worked extremely hard, even if I gave up everything, and fought against the whole world, what difference would that make? You have become everything to me, do you know? After that, for a period of time, we finally got together. That period of time I was so happy. For a moment, I felt that I had everything. All the previous pain and all the efforts were not in vain. You said you wanted to have a child with me and asked me what the child’s name should be? I said it should be “The Orphan of the Zhao Family”. You were so stupid and still said yes. You said the child’s features should look like me and the skin should be like yours. I was really very happy beforehand. But who knew that happiness would last so long.
My dear wife, I miss you so much! We made a promise that in the next life, I will find you immediately. I will hold onto you tightly and never let go. This life, we have loved too much, so in the next life, no matter how hard or tired we are, we must be together, okay? I will surely recognize you. You told me not to drink Mengpo’s soup because you were afraid I would forget you. Fool, there are some things and some people that can never be forgotten no matter how much we try. My wife, I am so looking forward to the next life. In the next life, you must wait for me, wait for me to be the first to appear in your life, wait for me to lead you. You owe me everything in this life, and in the next life, you must pay it back completely.
In the next life, if you don’t leave me, I won’t abandon you either! My beloved husband…